Five ways Charlie Sheen can save his career...if he's lucky

Charlie Sheen has had a busy few weeks.

He was fired from Two and a Half Men (for which he made about $1.2 million per episode), filed a lawsuit against the show's head honcho Chuck Lorre for $100 million, recorded erratically melodramatic webcasts and had firearms confiscated from his home, to name a few amid the endless list of sensationalized headlines that have included Sheen's name.

After so much overstuffed publicity, you would think Sheen would take a breather and shut his mouth. But it seems like the rampage has no immediate end in sight, so let's explore five surefire ways for Sheen to provide a turnaround for his career. He needs all the help he can get.

1. What Charlie needs the most to save any shreds of his image is to act like a real person, which means he must stop these annoying rants he keeps posting on the Internet in which he attacks anyone who rubs him the wrong way. Instead, let's show a little sensitivity, Charlie. One way the blow-snorting, hooker-loving actor can express his softer side is to join forces with Sarah McLachlan to restore her girl-power festival Lillith Fair, which she announced this week is now defunct. After all the womanizing he has reportedly done, maybe Sheen can make his way back into the female population's good graces by funding the concert and reaching out to the presumable droves of women who detest him.

2. The best way to adopt a character's persona is to experience what he or she is going through, right? Let's book Sheen for a movie about a drug addict whose perception of the law is that it's all relative. Maybe the character can be a veteran actor who stars on the No. 1-rated comedy on television but just can't quit living life on the edge. Sound familiar? It would be Method acting at its purest. He wouldn't even need fake movie-prop cocaine. Just look for the vial he probably keeps in his back pocket.

3. Establish The Charlie Sheen Brigade. Alec Baldwin, Men costar Holland Taylor and the always commendable Roseanne Barr will surely be on board, but Jon Cryer and estranged wife Brooke Mueller won't. Together, Sheen and his compadres can create some sort of relief fund for the star's troubles. Where controversy goes, Baldwin and Barr are sure to follow.

4. Next time you're angry, Charlie, leave the machete at home.

5. Let Sheen's upcoming Twitter "intern" lead an image overhaul for him. Sheen should just stay away from the site. It's dangerous. Where free speech is key, he should remain far removed — even only 140 characters can get him into trouble.